I have that awkward feeling this week, wonder why my weekly planned post hasn’t pop up anything since. Then after several check and bring myself together i just then realize i am intentionally empty one date regard to my Birthday experience. Wether there’s something i want to post about it. Well, here i am then writing this impromptu post for you and post it rigth away. Fresh from the oven. hahaha
This year is pretty much amazing, since i have never-ending list to do until few next month and one of the dense month is January, i even forget to buy me a cake in case my husband can’t buy me one. And on the day yes we both forget to buy it. For having me nothing on my special day my husband ask me when we are about to sleep pretty much our conversation is like this
Husband : What you want for your birthday present this year?
Me : “I want nothing in particular, i mean i have a lot of list of things to buy off course. BUT you know what pap? Someone ever told me that “The best Present is to be Present” so i guess having you, Freya and all my beloved one still with me is the best thing i could ask for”
Really after that we did not extend our conversation and choose to get some sleep. I have monday to face and beat the next day so i need my full energy for it. And then it comes just as natural as it can be and i can’t even feel it strange. I am in one place with my daughter it actually my parent’s living room, we are tend to “sungkem” its like salute to your parent ask for forgiveness and pray for your life and anything you want in future. I do it first to my mom and it gets blurry. Then it is next turn i see my dad sit on his favorite chair, i am with my daughter so i order her to hug her grandpa first before me. I said to her
” Oke now go hug grandpa Freya, Pap this is Freya”
He hug my daughter so tight then let her go and then here come my turn. I can still even feel it, my father were so skinny just like the last time i saw him and i feel just suddenly sad for him. He even almost cry a bit when hug me and i said to him
“Dont cry pap, I’m okay. Please pray for me. I wish you are always healthy and happy.”
He still with his sad face but didn’t say any word to me just hug me.
Then i am awake.
And i do my usual activity in the morning, in the middle of dizziness i try to deliberate what i feel and experience. Everything went normal until i find out one fact that my father is not with us anymore. Suddenly i just burst in tears in my bathroom when everyone hasn’t even woke up yet.
I didn’t mean to hurt my dad by saying what i was said but having his presence even in my dream is one biggest present i can have that day.
My “birthday” day went normal just like the other day, i spend it with a LOT of work to do. Fast forward to few days after, i remember i have a crush on a watch i’ve been wanted. I am rarely actually super rarely get in love with a watch so when i have a crush i directly buy it. I have order it since few weeks before to a friend of mine. I just always forget to send her the money and even take it from her.
One day after one to another delayed payment my friend just text me
“Im sorry teh, the watch you wanted has been sold to my cousin”
That day i was SO SHOCK and SAD and just having bad mood all over the day, i try to contact my friend to buy hers instead but she didn’t give any response the whole day (but still can post some photos) . I am even talk it along the day with my husband. He just calm me like his usual. In the night after we have our dinner he said there is a package in the cupboard that he forget to tell me earlier. I just grab it and try to open it without any doubt because yes i am waiting some packages. I don’t even notice there is no sender name on the address, and open up that fully sellotape package helped by Freya.
And that moment of truth when i find out my husband handwriting’s handmade card with a gift inside. After i rip off the paper it turns out, It is THE-WATCH-I-TALKED-AND-COMPLAINED-ALL-DAY-LONG-THAT-HE-SECRETLY-BUY-BEHIND-MY-BACK-AND-MAKE-A-PLAN-TO-BUST-ME-WITH-MY-FRIEND-WHO-TELL-ME-MY-DREAM-WATCH-IS-GONE.
Okay calm down
I just burst in tears without any control of it, I don’t know why i keep bursting in tears that past few days but guys can you see it is a lot for me?????. Plus the fact I know my husband having big ups and down lately but still, he make something for me even when i said NO and forbid him to do anything. So it weighted everything how you can be that special for someone. Yes I do only for my husband. hahaha
No i don’t rate anything based on what it is.
But on every birthday i always realize, that time God always knock my head and tell me there’s numbers of people who love me for who i am with all the bad things he covered up for me. And yes being present with all your message and pray and hope even you text me or not, see me or not is the best present for me. I just hope the rest of the years i would have will add more value to my life.
Thank you all for making all this experience feel much awesome.